Change
Sometimes people are lucky enough to experience a rare “Aha moment” and that life- changing touchpoint becomes the catalyst for real and lasting change. An example of this is a near death experience. But most of the time change does not happen this way.
Usually, we become aware of something in our life that is not working for us through repeated patterns of painful experience that I like to call “messages from the universe.” Over time, we may choose to change certain thoughts or behaviors, because the pain of staying the same becomes worse than the pain of changing. With careful cultivation and tending to this new thought process or behavior like a well loved houseplant, this fledgling aspect of self begins to grow roots. This creates a positive new element of ourselves which if reinforced, can become a new normal. Hellejulia! How cool is this??! I marvel at this actually, because as far as I know, human beings are the only species that can do this. We have the ability to consciously change and direct our evolution for the betterment of ourselves and future generations.
Here is an example of this. Although I do not like to admit it, I was a smoker for many years. At age 14, I started smoking in the junior high school bathroom to hang out with the cool kids, and of course became addicted. I attempted to quit many times over the years, but was not successful until after I had my first daughter Jordan at age 36. I did quit during my pregnancy, but returned as soon as I had her. Embarrassingly, as a new mom, I would put Jordan in her bouncy seat and rush outside for a smoke. I would take a few drags, get dizzy since I was not used to the smoke, rush inside full of guilt, wash up real well so I did not smell like smoke, and hate on myself. The pain of staying the same had reached its threshold. It was easy for me to quit at that moment in time and many years later, I have never looked back.
Another example of deep change came from Courtney hitting rock bottom (I hope and pray) with her depression. After suffering from debilitating suicidal depression for over 5 years, Courtney took a medical withdrawal from her first semester of her freshman year at her dream college. This was a real low point for all of us. I will never forget packing up her coveted single dorm room overlooking the beautiful Hudson River and heading home to face yet another treatment program. Based on her being 18 this time, she attended not as an adolescent but in an adult program where she was by far the youngest patient there. She was a mess of self loathing, humiliation and pain. She had been back home for a few days and we were sitting on the couch together. She looked me squarely in the eye and boldly stated, “I am done living this way. I will not be 50 and still fighting this horrible depressession because it will kill me. I have to beat this.” And so she did. I have never seen her put her mind to anything the way she did that fall and winter. Courtney grew some big balls during that time. Her deep pain and fierce determination to change were the catalysts that allowed her to move forward, take her life back, and grow into the person she is today. Not that this is easy, without challenges or free of relapse episodes because that is the reality of living with mental illness. But this is the path forward. This is what directed and internally driven change must involve.
I really believe that ownership, effort and sustained movement forward are the necessary ingredients for any lasting change to occur. Over time and with repetition and dedication, these carefully cultivated thoughts and behaviors take hold and slowly and surely become our new and intentional way of living. This is the exact process that we refer to as moving from Krazy to #KrazyEmpowered. What do you think?
Xxoo marci